Good-bye Ms. Roboto: Saying Sayonara to Over Functioning
Have you ever noticed that there are a million organizing books, podcasts, tutorials, and shows designed to help you streamline your life, increase productivity, and keep your house/children/closet in order?
Who is the target audience? Women. Duh.
Have you ever seen a life hack show geared towards men? Maybe a segment on the garage or how to set up a man cave, but let’s be real, these tips, tricks and hacks are designed so that women can continue to produce, provide and over function in accordance with cultural expectations. I know because I bought the books, watched the shows, listened to the podcasts, and fretted over the meal plans/chore charts as well. I am also waste deep in the fast-flowing river of productivity, trying not to get swept under.
We have so many demands on our time, obligations, and needy humans in our lives that it is seemingly impossible to take a breath and focus on ourselves for ten minutes, much less ten hours. And, as much as we may enjoy some of those obligations (raising kiddos or work we are passionate about), it doesn’t make the daily grind less exhausting or soul draining.
The reality is that our culture promotes the over functioning of women.
Look around. Whether a woman works full-time or part-time, in or outside the home, the societal expectation is that she will maintain a comfortable yet pristine home, master parenting, and give back to her community, all while working out, eating whole foods and practicing routine self-care.
A few years ago, I looked at my calendar and felt like a drone.
I was trapped in a relentless loop of activities, business meetings, kid stuff, and volunteering. There was no free time for me unless I scheduled it. There was no joy in the daily routine. I was a stern time manager and I lived in a constant state of anticipation for the next thing. I had no space to just sit and think. Or be creative. Or enjoy a moment. I was white-knuckling life like a racoon clutching a shiny object and I wasn’t having any fun.
Sure, I had contributed to the problem. My achieving personality type didn’t know how to say NO to opportunities, set boundaries, or even let go of the “shoulds” society was shouting at me. But I can’t claim all the blame. This expectation of over functioning, holding up all the balls, perfectionism, and selfless giving is in the water for women. It’s in the air we breathe. Unfortunately, I don’t think culture is going to change any time soon.
So, what do we do? How do we shed the expectations and shut down the robot?
The answer?
Be willing to take very small steps -- repeatedly.
or wait until our society completely redesigns itself, but I wouldn’t hold your breath for that.
Unless you are willing to burn it all down and move to a commune in the middle of the jungle (which will have its own culture, by the way), remember that meaningful and lasting change occurs one step at a time. Creating a new way to live isn’t a rote “step-by-step” method and doesn’t typically follow a linear path, but here are a few of the things that typically occur along the way:
Getting really clear on the overall feeling you want in your everyday life. Is it peace? Is it joy? Is it freedom? Envisioning how you want to feel differently and identifying the feeling in your body will allow you to stay true to it later when it comes to making impactful decisions.
A willingness to say NO to things that do not align with that feeling. Yes, you will still have to do things like go to the dentist, but trimming out the extra activities and obligations that don’t serve your true nature will help free you from robot mode.
Setting expectations and boundaries with people and organizations. This will create the space you need to make meaningful changes to your everyday routine. I admit, this one can be challenging, but when you are living in alignment with your values you will be better able to serve and connect with others. Instead of being drained or pulled in all different directions, you will gain energy by focusing on the relationships and activities most true to you.
Recognizing that this is a PRACTICE. Because life is continuous change, this is not a process that has a static result that endures for the rest of your days. There will be hiccups, life circumstances that intervene, children that grow up, and work that no longer serves you. The small steps you take to improve your everyday, break free of the “shoulds,” and tinker with your routine will evolve and change too. Expect it, acknowledge it, and continue the practice of staying clear on what you truly want. Then, take the small steps to get that much closer to it. Rinse and repeat.
If any of this resonated with you, you have already started the process.
Just recognizing that you can no longer function in robot mode is a call back to your humanity and your true nature.
Domo arigato Ms. Roboto — Thank you for your service, but I got this now.
When you open your mind to the possibilities of what it COULD look like, you have already started dismantling the machine.
